Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
