that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
