Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
