i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
