If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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