Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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