Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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