What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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