There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you didnt know i had herpes?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
