He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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