I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
