i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
