Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
