some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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