I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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