my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
