My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
