dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
