I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
