so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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