I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
