You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
