If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I looked at my own cervix.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
