I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
