i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
