you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
