his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
