I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
