Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
