Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
