Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
How's work?
Spinning.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
