i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
