when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
