Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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