omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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