apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
