I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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