YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Gay?
German.
Pity.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
