here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
