I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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