I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
