God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
