I think I died a long time ago.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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