If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
