I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
