So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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