First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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