everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
