What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
