I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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