We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize