I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
