Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
