shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I will be naked everywhere
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
