there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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